Hermana Heywood

Kaitlynn in the Chile Puerto Montt Mission

Evening Call with You (Valdivia, Rain + Leadership Doubt), March 16, 2026

March 16, 2026 · Valdivia

Evening call following the morning extension announcement. You shared video of a downpour and worked through leadership inadequacy. Heaviest substantive thread: a Harley Quinn clip in an Uber stole your Spirit and you reflected on the cost of re-entering media-culture post-mission.

The Valdivia downpour

You played a video for me: a downpour you walked through that morning. Visible waves in the standing water in the street. Your Blundstones (the family's go-to boots) were not made for deep-water fishing; clothes still wet hours later. The locals' folk etymology: Valdivia comes from lluvia (rain) because it rains so much.

Leadership inadequacy

The substantive thread of the call. You:

"I do like it. I've got no idea what I'm doing. I think I struggle the most with the administration part of it. I don't know - I struggle with all of it... I don't know why I'm here."

Specifics: you're supposed to ask district leaders questions during weekly calls that will help them plan effective district councils - you have never been a district leader, don't know what kind of question to ask, don't have the Spanish vocabulary for the leadership-specific phrasing, feel burdensome to your companion Hermana Artieda (whom you described as "a force of nature, she knows everything in the world").

You also flagged a meta-stress about being a leader: you feel you're "supposed to be energetic and happy 100% of the time" with everyone, and on tired/sick/cold days when you aren't, you get in your head about it.

Mom's "there's more than one way to lead" reframe

Mom's response, captured close to verbatim because you were actively trying it on:

"Different personality types click with and can relate to different people. So it's not bad to see you not always super energetic and peppy. They can see that you are - some days you are tired and it's harder, but you're pushing through. You don't have to be this certain only one way to be a good leader. There's value in them seeing that you can be a great missionary who's quiet. You can be a great missionary who isn't in your face."

Mom also offered the council-of-leadership principle she learned at a regional leadership meeting: as the leader, be the last one to speak; if you speak first, you've shut everyone else down.

My President Oaks anecdote

Trivia question: How long did President Oaks serve in a bishopric before being called into a stake presidency? Answer: never served as either. He was in the genealogical society leadership before being called as an apostle. My point: leadership preconditions are not what they look like. You don't have to make stuff up; you can be honest you don't know certain things, ask, and learn.

The Harley Quinn Spirit-stolen moment

You were in an Uber. A trailer / commercial flashed on a screen - likely Harley Quinn. One scene: a "horrible, heartless thing happened and the character started laughing about it." Your near-verbatim:

"I just remember feeling so dirty for having seen that. I felt horribly disgusting. I don't understand how anybody can watch that sort of thing and feel okay with themselves. I don't know how anybody can watch battles. It makes me so frustrated because that's the world we live in, and I'm going to have to go back out and live in that. I don't want to. I don't want to have to deal with bad language from everybody. I don't want to have to deal with these horrible movies and TV shows. I don't want to have to deal with that anymore because it takes the spirit away. I found a gem on my mission. I don't want to lose them."

The Maverick-bathroom analogy:

"It's like using Fathom at home and then going on a road trip and having to use the Maverick bathroom. You need to go inside to get the key, and then you leave to go outside with the worker and the key. You go into the bathroom and it's just graffiti and poop on the walls. All this disgusting. Why did I even want to use the bathroom? I could just hold it. I just want to go back home."

Mom and I normalized: the Spirit on the mission is the natural consequence of mission-shaped time and effort, not magical; you can sustain it at home by sustaining the same patterns; your home is what you make of it; the parents are protective of media in their home for exactly this reason.

Career - nursing or seminary teaching

A small late-call thread. You floated rethinking nursing - what if you became a seminary teacher instead? You said it doesn't quite feel right but flagged it as a thought you didn't expect to have. Me: God can only steer you when you're moving. Enroll, take generals, things will reveal themselves. I listed peers (Dave, Jake, Murray) who all studied for one thing and ended up in another, with the underlying point that Heavenly Father loves effort.

Bonnie has become Grandma

Mom confirmed: Bonnie has fully become part of the family. You: "I don't remember when she hated us." Mom clarified: Bonnie wasn't hostile, just standoffish. The change came when Mom started going on old-lady walks with her. I added: I toss her up in the air (joke).

Parent pre-marriage backstory comedy

Late-call laughter. Triggered by you asking if Mom and I were ever inactive (Mom: no; me: occasionally went to a movie on a Sunday):

The cabra goes to William's daughter

You confirmed: you gave your cabra (goat) stuffed animal to William's daughter when you left Coyhaique. The replacement missionaries had to deliver it for you. Me: "She is going to keep that for the rest of her life."

My convert photo

I shared a photo of a woman from my mission - a staunch Catholic I taught the first three discussions before I was transferred. She was later baptized. Her son served a mission. I flagged the parallel to your experience - sometimes you're a spark, multiple missionaries are needed for full conversion, you're still part of the process.

Closing

Mom and I closed with: "Just be yourself, be vulnerable, follow the Spirit. Open your mouth and it'll be filled - hopefully not stinky, that's coming out instead of going in." You signed off to go to bed.

Cleanup Notes