find the good and be patient and kind

In her first letter to Kaitlynn at the Mexico CCM, Kristi framed how to meet each day of the mission.

Be present. Love every day. There is something good in every day. Find it.

She tied it to Kaitlynn's patriarchal/setting-apart blessing to be patient and kind: "Be patient and kind with your companion, with the people you meet and with yourself." The principle is to let refinement happen rather than force it: "Let Heavenly Father teach and refine you. Be humble, be teachable and be happy."

look up and out by serving others

Relaying what their stake conference had taught, Kristi passed the principle to Kaitlynn as counsel for the mission.

Forget yourself and focus on others that are struggling. You will find the comfort and strength that you need... Mourn with those that mourn. Comfort those that stand in need of comfort... Look up and out. Bring it to Him. Lay it at His feet. Walk with Him.

The portable principle: when you are carrying your own weight, the way through is to turn outward to someone else who is struggling, and the comfort you need comes back to you. She paired it with President Nelson's invitation to study the Atonement each week for the rest of her life.

grace-to-yourself

Kaitlynn's first week at the Mexico CCM. Jason's handwritten letter (sent as a PDF attachment to his Feb 24 email) was mostly logistics and family update, but folded in a short, deliberate teaching about self-compassion at the front edge of her mission.

"Hang in there. With every day, you move forward. Don't give up on yourself, and be the friend to yourself, that the Savior is to you. Give yourself grace, especially as god give all."

The principle has two parts that fit together: (1) be the friend to yourself that the Savior is to you — the same generous read on her own failings that Christ already extends; (2) give yourself grace because God gives all of it — receiving grace from God means matching that posture toward yourself rather than withholding it.

Delivered in week 1 because it would be load-bearing for the next 18 months. No recorded direct response to this line specifically; Kaitlynn's reply ("This made me cry, I love you dad!") was to the letter overall.

let people move past their worst moments

Reflecting on that week's Come Follow Me study of Martin Harris, Kristi drew out a principle for Kaitlynn: we tend to remember people by their mistakes, and we should change that.

She illustrated it with a Hank Smith story: Hank loved telling a funny story about a coworker named Quinn until another coworker told him Quinn would like it forgotten. Hank never told it again.

Can we stop telling certain things about certain people? Can we leave them in the past and let them move past their worst moment, their most embarrassing moments.

The portable principle: stop retelling the stories that keep a person stuck in their worst moment, and let them move forward.

reach up for the Lord's power

Passing on the Worldwide Relief Society devotional, Kristi framed for Kaitlynn how access to the Lord's power works on a mission: power comes through faith that moves us to act, and through the intensity of our reaching.

When you reach up for the Lord's power in your life with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air, power from Jesus Christ will be yours... you will be led by the Holy Ghost to know exactly what you should do. (President Nelson)

The principle: covenant-keeping and faith that motivates action open access to God's power, and the depth of your desire to reach Him is what draws that power into your work.

see your own part in conflict

Kaitlynn wrote that her last CCM week was hard: two sisters (Hna Coltharp and Hna Palmer) had been leaving her and Hna Davis out, and she felt judged "at every glance" and that her opinion didn't matter. Kristi answered with counsel on how to look at the conflict.

I like to think that your dad (or everyone else) is the problem, but when I look at it from his perspective, I can usually find things that I am doing that are part of the problem. Love her. You only have a couple of weeks left with her. Choose the best part whatever that is. Be humble and be happy.

The portable principle: when you feel wronged, look at the situation from the other person's perspective and find your own contribution to it; then love them and choose the best part of the relationship in the time you have.

tender-mercy-by-following-promptings

Earlier in the prior week, Kaitlynn had felt prompted to ask for Uncle Craig's email address so she could add him to her missionary email list. Craig — who had been working with his Bishop and Stake President for over a year on a path back to rebaptism after 24 years away — sent Jason a thrilled-to-tears iMessage when Kaitlynn's first email arrived. Jason wrote the May 1 handwritten letter to name what had happened.

The two principles he taught from the moment:

"Because you followed a prompting you were a tender mercy in the life of your Uncle. He has struggled tremendously in life and many of his choices have had a profoundly negative impact on his shattered kids and fam."

The first principle: a small prompting acted on becomes a tender mercy in someone else's life that you couldn't have planned or foreseen. The Spirit was working on both sides of the connection — Craig's path back, Kaitlynn's prompt to include him — and the act of obedience to the prompt is what closed the loop.

"Truly we aren't sent to earth to judge but to love and serve. The older I get and the closer I get to the Savior, the more I see how screwed up I am, and need every ounce of grace and mercy I can get."

The second principle, paired with the first: the posture toward Craig (and toward anyone) is love and service, not judgment. Jason grounded it in his own self-knowledge — the closer he gets to the Savior, the more he sees his own need for grace, which makes judgment of others untenable.

The letter included an explicit instruction not to feel bad that Craig had misspelled her name ("He's trying and it's really amazing to learn how hard he is trying").

Kaitlynn's reply on May 5 picked up the broader frame: "I don't remember who told me but a few days into the mish or so someone told me that while your on your mision your family is super blessed and so since then I've been praying for they heywood side and gardner side of the family!! God answers prayers so thank you for answering mine by telling me!"

keep trying even without visible fruit

Kristi's Aunt Grace died, and Kristi reached out to her cousin Polly, who had not responded the previous two or three times Kristi tried. This time Polly responded, and Kristi felt able to give her the love and support she needed. Kristi drew the principle for Kaitlynn.

I would not have been able to be that person if I hadn't spent all these years trying. Trying without seeing the fruits of my labors. Trying because I love her. I hope you never stop trying to do what Heavenly Father wants you to do. Even when you aren't seeing the fruits. Trust in Him and His beautiful plan.

The portable principle: keep doing the right thing and keep reaching for people out of love even when you see no results; the fruit may come years later at the moment it is needed.

responding-to-criticism-not-reacting

First installment of what became a six-part series on responding to criticism. Prompted by Kaitlynn raising the topic of nitpicking on the prior day's weekly call.

Jason opened with a side reassurance about her post-mission planning (she had been worrying about BYU-I), grounded in D&C 84:81–85 in Spanish — "no os afanéis por el día de mañana" — with the takeaway that the Father in Heaven knows what we need; everything will work out; no stress.

He then framed the broader teaching: "Whether we are the source or the target, it is difficult or impossible to have the spirit all while pointing out flaws in others, in the spirit of negative intent. A spirit of love often conveys itself differently than otherwise."

Three principles, with more to follow:

1. Respond, don't react.

The difference is the whole point. Jason cited Captain Moroni and Pahoran as the canonical scriptural contrast.

2. Seek the Spirit before you speak or react.

Pause. Breathe. Prayerfully think about what was said. Be humble and swallow your pride. Choose to listen to the underlying truth.

• 1 Nephi 17:17–19 — Nephi's brothers mocked him; he responded to the why behind their complaint (no testimony), used scripture to help them understand, reminded them of their own experience, and finished by expressing love (v. 47). The response was to the subtext, not the surface words.
• John 8:6–7 — Jesus stooping to write on the ground before answering the Scribes and Pharisees. The pause before the response is part of the response.
• D&C 100:6 — "for it shall be given you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say." The Lord supplies the words when our heart is in the right place.
• Elder Quentin L. Cook ("Personal Peace in Challenging Times"): "All of Christ's teachings point in this direction… love God, live His commandments, and forgive everyone."

3. Focus on eternal principles, not petty disputes.

When you feel pinpricked over small things — appearance, timing, personal style — zoom out and anchor on why you are on the mission. If you don't let comments stick, they fall away. In a week, month, or year you won't remember them.

"The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives." — President Russell M. Nelson

Jason explicitly flagged that more principles were coming over the following days, since this was also his own study focus.

Closing reassurance: "Be where you are. See your companion and those around you as God sees them. Keep moving forward and giving grace to yourself and the rest of us imperfect weiners who are just trying our best."

No recorded response.

meekness-and-quiet-confidence

Fourth installment of Jason's series on responding to criticism. Frame: "meekness is not weakness, it is controlled, godly strength under the influence of the Spirit."

The thesis was that the world reads meekness as weakness, but in practice it takes incredible strength to respond meekly when reacting with "swift deserved justice" would feel justified. The two options end in opposite places: one in growth, the other in regret and anger.

Scripture anchors:

• Mosiah 3:19 — the natural man is an enemy to God unless he yields to the Holy Spirit and becomes "as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love."
• Alma 7:5 — Alma working with the arrogant people of Zarahemla, describing what it cost him: "my joy cometh over them after wading through much affliction and sorrow." Jason's read: Alma was very justified to yell, but it mattered how he did it; he had to keep himself worthy of the Spirit so the Lord could work through him. That kind of restraint is incredible strength that gets misread as weakness.
• Ether 12:27 — "if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness… for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Meekness lets us see our weakness not with shame but with trust that Christ will refine it.
• Helaman 3:35 — fasting and prayer to grow "stronger and stronger in their humility" and sanctification through "yielding their hearts unto God."

The mechanism for gaining meekness: daily repentance, daily effort. "God knows it's not going to happen in a day. But he will be patient with us as we diligently try, quickly admit our own mistakes when we make them, humble ourselves daily, listen and learn."

Conference quotes paired with the scripture: Elder Ulisses Soares ("Being meek does not mean weakness, but it does mean behaving with goodness and kindness, showing strength, serenity, healthy self-worth, and self-control") and Elder Bednar ("The meek think of themselves less but not less of themselves. Meekness enables us to remain firm and steadfast, even when we are misunderstood or misrepresented").

Reflection questions Jason posed: How did the Savior show meekness when attacked? How about Alma, Amulek, Abinadi, Ammon, or Lehi when Sariah yelled at him? What concrete responses can you pre-decide before being in the situation? What can you work on to gain those attributes?

No recorded response.

let-your-works-speak

Fifth installment of Jason's series on responding to criticism. Premise: actions speak louder than words, and a person of integrity does not need to defend themselves verbally — their works do that for them.

He opened with Matthew 5:16 ("let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works") and gave Kristi as the working example:

"One of the reasons I love Mom is because she makes me want to be better simply by being Mom. She lives her life with intention, she does her best, she makes mistakes, she repents daily, she prays all the time, she works hard, she does SO MANY THINGS. She doesn't sit back and tell me, you need to pray more, you need to do this/that. She makes me want to be more simply by her being her. (Which is one important thing you should look for in your future eternal comp)."

Applied to the mission: don't worry about what others are doing. Don't judge others for their bad choices — be happy because of your own. If others don't do what you do, they probably don't have a testimony about it; you do.

The "yellow shirt" frame for criticism:

"If you were wearing a yellow shirt, and someone insulted your blue shirt — you would think they were an idiot because you are clearly wearing a yellow shirt. Their insults would only show their own ignorance. Your shirt (your actions/works/integrity) are clear, and if they cannot see it, the problem is not with you, it is with them."

When the criticism is true, learn from it and be humble. When it's not, don't spend a second in correction — your actions will do that for themselves. The disposition this produces is not defensiveness but compassion: "It would elicit feelings of mercy and encouragement as opposed to feelings of retribution."

Scripture anchors: D&C 124:15 on the Lord loving Hyrum Smith because of "the integrity of his heart"; Alma 27:26–27 on the Anti-Nephi-Lehies being "distinguished for their zeal towards God, and also towards men; for they were perfectly honest and upright in all things"; Alma 5:27–28 on quietly making sure your standing before God is clean, which speaks louder than any outward defense.

No recorded response.

forgive-quickly-assume-good-intent

Sixth installment of a series Jason had been writing in response to Kaitlynn's earlier question about nitpicking. The earlier five principles (respond-not-react; seek the Spirit; eternal principles; meekness and quiet confidence; let your works speak) had been delivered between Nov 6 and Nov 8; this one covers principle six — forgive quickly and assume good intent.

The core teaching is two halves of the same posture toward people. Forgive quickly: choose to believe the person didn't mean their words the way the tone suggested; the act of choosing that interpretation keeps the Spirit with you. The Book of Mormon model is Pahoran replying to Moroni's accusatory epistle: "In your epistle ye have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart." Quick forgiveness sees the heart, not the tone. Holding grudges, by contrast, shields you from heaven and opens you to the adversary; D&C 64:9–10 calls the grudge the greater sin precisely because it blocks Christ's healing power.

Assume good intent: the scriptural pattern is the Savior in Gethsemane finding His disciples asleep and saying "the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" — He named what He knew was true about them rather than naming the failure. Jason cited Elder Holland ("Be kind regarding human frailty — your own as well as those who serve with you. Except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this planet") and Elder Marvin J. Ashton ("If we could look into the hearts of others and understand the challenges each of us faces daily, I think we would treat each other much more gently").

The application was specific:

"When your companera says something sharp, try to pause and think, 'She's probably tired,' or 'She meant that kindly, even if it came out wrong.' When el jefe grande de hermana leadero or someone else in authority gives unexpected feedback, IMMEDIATELY assume, 'They are trying to help me improve.' When someone cancels an appointment, work on thinking something like, 'Life is hard for them right now. We'll try again.'"

The whole posture, Jason said, is captured in Moroni 7:45's "thinketh no evil" — the scriptural root of assuming good intent. Closing reflection questions: what would help you pause before assuming negative intent; how would this strengthen companionship unity; could this help with the tendency to overthink and worry; how do you still communicate kindly when something hurts you.

No recorded response.

just-be-you-in-new-area

Kaitlynn had just arrived in Coyhaique to train a greenie and rebuild a teaching pool with leadership responsibilities. Jason wrote a short letter to set her up for the first week, with two principles to hold onto.

The opening frame was charity for the companion:

"Sometimes God puts a Goliath in our lives so we can see the David within us. I'm so excited for this opportunity you have to love and serve your companion. To look through annoyances and see places where you can love and build. To grow charity a little more every day."

The two principles for learning the new area:

"1. It is ok not to know all the answers, and it's ok to admit that. 2. The Lord knows you... Whatever you lack, he will make up the difference. He promises: 'Whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies.'"

He paired the principles with Nephi's "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do… NEVERTHELESS I WENT FORTH" and his own greenie story from Philadelphia (bird-poo on the planner the first morning, later kicking the bird against a building). The takeaway: laugh at failures, bask in successes, choose positive self-talk, avoid negative self-talk.

"There is nothing that you experience that won't be for your good if you let it."

No recorded response.

weakness-made-strong

Earlier in the week Jason and Kaitlynn had talked about why God allows trials. Jason returned to it in this letter, framing the trials themselves as the mechanism by which God shows His strength through imperfect people.

"Isn't the roller coaster of life interesting? We appreciate the downhills for the happiness and exhilaration, but the uphills can be hard and full of anxiety, fear, exhaustion and despair. They can be, but don't have to be."

He anchored on 2 Corinthians 12:9–10 ("when I am weak, then am I strong") and a string of scripture-history examples — David against Goliath, fourteen-year-old Joseph Smith restoring the Lord's church, the consistently outnumbered Nephites — to make the case that the weakness is precisely how the Lord's power becomes visible:

"Perhaps if we didn't have the weaknesses, or those uphill challenges, we wouldn't as clearly see the Lord in our lives, working miracles."

He closed on D&C 68:6 — "be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you" — and the practical instruction: pray hard, work hard, choose to be happy.

No recorded response.

qualified-for-new-zone-leadership

After Kaitlynn was assigned to Martínez de Rosas as a zone-level hermana leader (described to her by el presidente as a "zone savior"), Jason wrote an extended letter covering seven principles for navigating the new role. The letter coheres around a single overarching frame — you are qualified because the Lord called you; bring you, and let Him add the power.

Whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies

"God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability." — Neal A. Maxwell

The first job is not "be amazing"; it is show up, keep your heart open, be willing to try again, be honest in prayer, keep saying yes. Qualification doesn't always feel like confidence — sometimes it feels like peace in the middle of fear, like getting up anyway. That still counts.

Let the Lord lead

In any moment, you are either being led by Christ or trying to drag Him along. One path produces growth; the other produces exhaustion and a feeling of failure.

Zone Savior reframe

"Zone Savior" is a dramatic title — but Jesus already has the savior job. Your job in the new zone is to love people, lift people, invite people forward, help companionships try again, and help sisters remember why they're here. Steadiness, not heroics. Bring Kaitlynn to the zone — the warmth, the humor, the work ethic, the testimony — that's what el presidente actually meant.

Climber of Mountains

"Climbers don't prepare to climb a mountain by pretending it's small. They prepare by deciding it's climbable."

The trade that changes everything: from self-reliance to Christ-reliance, from pressure to partnership, from "I have to carry this" to "I can bring what I have, and He will multiply it."

The Power of Small and Simple Things

Revival in a struggling zone doesn't come like a lightning bolt; it comes like sunrise. Real prayer instead of rushed prayer. One sincere call to a discouraged sister. Helping a companionship reset goals without shame. Helping sisters talk to each other instead of about each other. Small wins compound into a new culture without any big announcement.

Humor and Connection

Keep your humor — keep it clean, keep it appropriate, keep your warmth. Connection is not fluff; it's trust, and trust is what makes leadership work. The guardrail: authentic joy never requires making someone else smaller. Humor that protects dignity builds unity; humor at someone's weakness leaks trust and gives the adversary a voice they'll hear later in their low moments — "because when someone has made fun of me, it's their voice I hear when the adversary wants me to feel alone."

Dancing in the Rain

Rain (literal Coyhaique rain, metaphorical hard transfer) is just the setting, not the story. Some of the sweetest tender mercies show up specifically in the rain "because God is often closest in uncomfortable and difficult places." Look for tender mercies, see your companion as God does, defend a small routine, write the mercies down so you don't forget them. Conference talks referenced: Andersen ("Whom the Lord Calls"), Eyring ("Mountains to Climb"), Nelson ("The Power of Spiritual Momentum"), Bednar ("The Tender Mercies of the Lord").

No recorded response yet at the time of sending.

confidence-in-lords-judgment

Kaitlynn had just done her first intercambio as a hermana leader. She had been openly self-doubting with the partner hermanas ("I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just here, I'm trying, let me know if I do something wrong"). Jason delivered a teaching on where confidence comes from when self-confidence is unreliable: it comes from the Lord's judgment, not from feeling qualified. Kaitlynn repeated each line back as Jason gave it.

Verbatim:

"Even if you don't have confidence sometimes, because we're all kind of on a roller coaster about our securities and our insecurities, the one thing that we can always have confidence in is the Lord's judgment. And so if the Lord's judgment says you should be a missionary, and as your current role as an hermana leader, then you can have confidence in that. And everything else is going to fall into place."

Kaitlynn's response landed on the familiar mission saying: "Who the Lord qualifies. Oh, that sounds familiar." She had heard "The Lord doesn't call those who are qualified, He qualifies those who are called" from many people on her mission. The teaching connected to that frame.

She also reflected on her growth: pre-mission, a piece of feedback about being inadequate would have destroyed her for days; now she can take a hit, sit with it, and move forward. "Of course I'm not perfect. But I can see that God is helping me, growing with me, and strengthening me."

cool-aunt-expectation

Kaitlynn opened the call with a vent that she didn't have all the answers as a leader and was just "a side character," not "the cool captain."

Kristi reframed it in one line: "Maybe your expectation of trying to be the cool aunt is making things harder than it needs to be."

Kaitlynn didn't directly respond to this line but stayed in the topic, which set up Jason's longer teaching on leadership that followed.

give-yourself-some-grace

Later in the same call, after the leadership exchange and the dead-rabbit banter, Kristi returned to a second teaching aimed at Kaitlynn's self-talk.

Verbatim:

"Give yourself some grace, Kaitlynn. You don't have to take everything perfectly in stride."

"Give yourself some grace. You are going up an emotional hill, and that takes emotional strength. And the only way you get to be strong at something is through exercising that thing. So, do you have a choice - do I get up and do my best? And by the way, that's all that's ever required of you. Or do I just sit down on the hill until my mission's mostly done?"

Kaitlynn pushed back on the framing that she was hard on herself: "I don't know why you guys think that I'm so hard on myself... I am not hard enough on myself." Kristi held the position: "That's so the truth. Are you realizing the folly of your conclusion?" The exchange ended unresolved on Kaitlynn's side but the counsel was delivered clearly.

leadership-by-asking-questions

Kaitlynn was struggling early in her hermana-leader role with the feeling that a leader should have all the answers. Jason delivered a sustained teaching on leadership: vulnerability over performance, questions over answers, listening as itself a form of leadership.

Verbatim:

"I respect leaders that are vulnerable, and that will admit when they don't know what the exact answer is. And as a leader, it's not your job to know the answer to every single question."

"A lot of times people know what they have to do, and it's just helping them reach the decision they already know they have to make. So as a leader, it's like, how can I ask questions to help people think about how they can solve their problem? Like, 'I am having a hard time with my companion' - rather than saying, 'Well, do this, this, and this,' you could say, 'Well, that sounds really hard. What are some things you think you could do to help your relationship?' You're working with the spirit, the spirit's working with them to help them figure out their problem."

"If they don't want an answer to their problem, then you just saved yourself a lot of conversation. And if all they want to do is talk about how hard it is being a missionary - but they're doing so by saying, 'I am having a hard time with my companion' - then you are still being a leader because you are just listening. And I think a lot of ways, that's how Heavenly Father leads our lives. He just listens. And He just lets us know He loves us."

"You don't have to have the answer to everything. You don't have to be the entertainer. Just be you, and that's enough."

Kristi reinforced: "You are enough." Jason echoed it back. Kaitlynn's response earlier in the same exchange - "Maybe that is what I am doing. Maybe I'm looking at it wrong" - registered as taking the teaching in.

trust-the-answer-already-received

Kristi had told Jason that Kaitlynn was back in turmoil over the BYU Provo decision and was second-guessing the answer she had already received during the family call about Natalie's mission. Jason wrote a long letter framing the doubt itself as adversarial timing and pointing her back to the answer she already has.

The core teaching:

"You have already received your answer. The Lord did not leave you guessing... Your earlier doubts were not confusion. They were the Lord clearing the path. At that moment we all felt the rightness of BYU Provo, and you did too."

"So here is a loving but direct question: Why are you asking the same question again? When we keep returning to a question the Lord has already answered, we are not seeking more light. We are choosing anxiety over faith."

He leaned on Elder Holland ("Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence") to name the pattern: the adversary's most effective tactic is not blocking the answer, but making you doubt it after you already received it. He paired that with Elder Bednar ("Quit Worrying About It") on pressing forward — "the Lord guides moving feet, not frozen ones." The Spirit comes in the very moment; God sees the end from the beginning, you do not have to.

The closing principle was the actionable one: right now, your mission is your mission. Don't spend 20% of your headspace scrolling housing applications during companionship study. The post-mission plan will unfold; the present assignment needs all of you.

"You are on the Lord's errand right now, and He needs all of you. Not 80% of you while the other 20% worries about housing applications."

No recorded response yet; the letter was sent the morning of 2026-03-06.

book-of-mormon-at-every-stage

In response to Kaitlynn's "radiation" analogy for daily Book of Mormon reading - that without it her life "just starts to spiral" - Jason extended the principle forward into her future life stages.

Verbatim:

"It's really interesting because you're finding how it applies to you right now as a missionary, as someone who - in your current circumstance, as you continue to mature and take on new roles as wife or mom or - whatever that is, nursery leader or Sunday school president or Relief Society counselor or Young Women's advisor, you're going to find specific things - that's almost like you've never noticed before, were there before - and it speaks specifically to your current situation."

Kristi added: "Which is really nice that they keep rewriting the Book to apply to what's going on in your life. I appreciate that every time."

Kaitlynn did not push back; she rolled into a riff about the "new international version" of the Book of Mormon for Chinese people with math problems at the start of every verse. The counsel itself was delivered and received.

name-tag-above-jesus

After Kaitlynn delivered her "loyalty is 100% to the Lord" reflection (prompted by her companion's Facebook Messenger rule-break), Jason answered with a piece of perspective he had carried from his own mission.

Verbatim:

"It's really humbling, isn't it? When you start to think about who you represent. When I was on my mission, one of the leaders - one of the zone leaders or something like that - just said, 'Enjoy the time that you have because it's one of the only times in your life where your name is going to come before Jesus.' When you look at your name tag."

"Anytime you get to represent the Lord to other people in any sort of leadership calling..."

Kristi: "It's everything else." Kaitlynn: "It was really cool to realize that."

not-discouraged-by-difficult-leader

On the April 13 evening call Kaitlynn described a rough P-day: she had made a presentation and cookies for the zone, and while most of the zone appreciated it, one of the elder leaders she has to work with shot down ideas and, in her words, was "being a jerk about everything." Jason's counsel was to not let it discourage her: that one grumpy leader does not diminish what she had done, and that a rough day is normal ("everyone has rough days"). He then turned it into a character check, asking whether she had kept good behavior when she got frustrated. Kaitlynn said she had not behaved badly - she had simply gone quiet and let her usual personality go "muted" instead of brushing the behavior off as she normally does - and that the elder seemed to recognize he was being a jerk once she stopped engaging, after which he tried harder.

Kristi added the reframe that Kaitlynn was mostly just tired of dealing with hard people that day, worn out socially and emotionally, with the connectivity trouble compounding it.

This is an early, low-key instance of the leadership-strain coaching pattern that emerged sharply the following week. See Zone Leadership Strain and the April 20, 2026 calls.

the-more-you-put-in

The More You Put In, the More You Get Out

In response to Kaitlynn telling Jason that her conversation with Hermana Stewart had landed on "the mission is more for us than for the people we teach," Jason delivered a two-part principle.

First: the more you put into mission and serving and working and learning, the more you get out, because you give yourself a chance to make mistakes, get out of your comfort zone, repent, and start over again.

Second: every day is a new chance. Memories of yesterday and ideas of tomorrow do not weigh on the present. The choices we make today set tomorrow's starting state. If we want tomorrow to be better, we work hard today, and the choices we made yesterday determine our current state. Cyclical: try, fail, repent, try again, plant seeds today for tomorrow's harvest.

Kaitlynn said she had been thinking something similar but lost her train of thought when she tried to articulate it.

growth-is-hard-to-see

Growth Is Hard to See Except Through Someone Who Knew You Before

On the May 18 evening call, Jason asked Kaitlynn if she sees growth in herself from the last time she served with Hermana Snowder (her trainer, now ending her mission alongside Kaitlynn at the start of Kaitlynn's HLV transfer). Kaitlynn said yes, and laughed because it has been almost a year and a half. Jason then offered the principle.

Verbatim: "You change a like you grow a little every day. And sometimes it's hard to see how much you've grown. Because you live with yourself every day until you see someone that you started with. And you've got to spend time with someone that you started with, and then you get to see kind of how different you are as you get to interact with that person again so much later in your mission."

Kaitlynn agreed. Jason added that the last day of his own mission, the whole thing seemed like he was watching from the outside; it did not feel real. He compared it to how it might have felt when she was first going to Mexico.

The asymmetry was clear (Jason teaching, Kaitlynn receiving) and the principle is character-shaping: growth measured in the eyes of someone who knew you before, not in your own daily mirror.

embrace-the-calling-build-others

Embrace the Calling and Be a Builder

Kristi answered Kaitlynn's "what are your guys' advice on that?" right after Jason. She appeared to read or recite something she had been writing or had saved:

"The Lord always makes us more. He always provides the help we need and makes the time work. What growth would I and my family have had if I had said yes? And who could I have helped and blessed if I'd said yes? So you said yes to this calling, and did you now get the opportunity for all the growth and to help and bless people?"

The frame: this is a priceless opportunity. Don't be prideful, but really embrace and enjoy it.

She cited her own callings as evidence that the relationships outlast the calling. She had known Chandler Scadden through her calling, and Chandler's mom through her calling, and Parker Smith through serving the young men and young women, and "Anne Sam," all of those people. Years later, those relationships were still a blessing — got to be a part of their journeys, get to know and love and care about them. Kaitlynn has the same opportunity here.

The direction:

"Use it to be a builder to help others. To lift them, to be that positive person in their life who sees their potential and their goodness and how they're trying."

And the close, on the "not being seen" problem specifically:

"Don't waste time being overwhelmed because I think when you make it about yourself, you do get overwhelmed and it's hard and stressful. But when it's about others, you can just love and serve and help. That's my advice."

Jason added a tagline: "It's okay to not have all the answers." Kristi: "I don't know the meaning of all things, but I do know that God loves me."

Kaitlynn did not push back. The conversation turned to Teancum and the eighteen-inch knife.

give-permission-for-the-truth

Give Permission for the Truth

On the May 25 Memorial Day call, Kristi asked Kaitlynn if she had seen what Kristi had written about Anya struggling. Anya is Kaitlynn's peer; she returned from her own mission (Valley Forge) Jan 18, 2026 and has been having a hard time. Kaitlynn had already been emailing her weekly. Anya had been responding every time.

Jason asked whether Anya was giving Kaitlynn real stuff or just saying it's fine. Kristi explained the dynamic she had been told about: Anya's dad said Anya was only telling Kirsten the real stuff; Kirsten was telling the dad; the dad had then complained to the mission president. Kaitlynn shared what she had sent Anya: an email that asked, point-blank, "How are you really doing?"

Kristi named the principle behind the move:

"That was good giving her permission to tell you the truth."

Then again, after Kaitlynn said "So we'll see if she answers me": "That was good."

The portable principle: when a peer is struggling but is performing "fine" in a way that the truth keeps leaking sideways to people they did not pick, the move is to give them explicit permission to be honest with you. Asking "how are you really doing?" is the permission slip; without it, the polite-front habit holds.

Kaitlynn did not push back. The conversation moved to Parker Shepard's email.

serving-for-god-not-recognition

Serving for God, Not for Recognition

On the May 25 Memorial Day call, Kaitlynn ended a long reflection on her first week as Hermana Líder Viajera with an explicit ask: she had been struggling with not being seen for what she was doing, getting brushed under the rug, not being noticed for all the work she was putting in. "What are your guys' advice on that?" Jason answered first.

He opened with the scripture: "God who seeth in secret will reward thee openly." The point: you are not fasting for other people. You do not contort your face and say "Look how righteous I am, I literally haven't eaten anything for four hours now." Recognition is not the metric, because the sacrifice is not directed at other people. The sacrifice is directed at God. Kaitlynn's specific sacrifice is her time, her talents, and some of the covenants she made in the temple.

He extended it to callings: no matter what calling he has been in, it is the same size. His calling in the bishopric is just as big as his calling in Valiant 9, because it is what you make of it. It would be the same if he were a Sunday school teacher. Kaitlynn played it back for him to keep him on track: "Your callings are the same. You're calling in the Valiant Nine is just the same as a bishopric. It's what you make of it."

He continued with Heavenly Father's specific knowledge of her:

"Heavenly Father knows your talents, knows your spirit, knows everything about you. And also knows, I think Kaitlynn would really be able to reach this person or reach that person. Or Kaitlynn really needs to understand this lesson or that lesson, because down the road, she's going to help someone that wouldn't be able to do this on their own."

Maybe Heavenly Father knew Kaitlynn's daughter or son would go through a challenge; maybe Kaitlynn was strong enough to handle this challenge so she could pass the wisdom on to someone else later. So many opportunities and blessings when we let Him take control and we are humble.

He landed on the principle:

"The closer you could get to saying that you have charity, the further away you could get from pride, the happier you'll be."

He added a personal caveat — from a professional standpoint, he thrives on recognition; he wants feedback, even negative feedback, so he knows where he stands. Not as a contradiction of the counsel, but as honest texture.

Kaitlynn did not push back. She turned the moment toward a banter callback ("I stepped in dog poop, and my comp told me I stink"), then let Kristi pick up the same prompt.

lord-sustains-you-to-the-end

The Lord Sustains You to the End

Kaitlynn told Jason she has to pick her final-transfer companion from a list of other sisters and called the decision terrifying. Jason answered: "Everything's gonna be just fine. The Lord has not left you alone this entire time, and he's certainly not going to at the end," before joking that the exception would be if she made the wrong decision.

The principle under the reassurance: the Lord's sustaining hand has been constant across her whole mission and will not withdraw in its final weeks. Kaitlynn took the teasing in stride and told him he was very helpful.

learn-from-positive-and-negative-examples

Learn From Both the Positive and Negative Examples Around You

Near the end of the call, after Kaitlynn's frustration with Mom's stubbornness during the Hawaii-trip back-and-forth, Jason told her not to get discouraged about Mom. He said he does not know why she sometimes doubles down on being stubborn, and that if Kaitlynn can see that same tendency in herself and does not like it, she should learn from it.

He extended the principle to himself: if Kaitlynn sees things in him that seem messed up, she can let him know, but if he still does them, she should learn from it and not be that person, so that they can learn from both the positive and negative influences in their lives.

Kaitlynn said that learning from what she sees in herself is what she has been trying to do her whole mission.

write-mom-and-president-weekly

Write Mom and the President Every Week

Prompted by Kaitlynn saying she never responds to Mom's emails, that she reads them but does not respond, and that Mom does not respond to her either.

Jason told her that on his own mission two letters were required of him every single week, one to his mom and one to his president, and that everything else was on top of that. When Kaitlynn asked whether he was telling her she should respond to Mom, Jason said yes, at least that.

Kaitlynn did not commit either way in the moment; the conversation moved on to her travel plans.

Always a missionary by example

Prompted by Kaitlynn describing two elders ending their missions who made crude jokes at a dinner and at the airport and did not invite an interested contact to be baptized, which she said happened because they were ending their missions and "did not care anymore."

Jason told Kaitlynn that maybe it was a blessing for the traveling sisters to have that experience and share it, not to throw the elders under the bus but to help others realize you do not stop being a missionary when the mission is over. He said that just because you have a release date does not mean people stop watching your behavior; people judge the gospel based on how you act, so you are doing missionary work without words and can do a lot of good or a lot of damage.

Kaitlynn agreed, and distinguished the dinner environment with Carlos and Victoria, which she said has the potential to be very spiritual, from the problem that night, which was the missionaries themselves. She and Jason discussed whether someone should have called the elders out.

Control your reaction, not the other person

Prompted by Kaitlynn describing a hard week with her companion Hermana Figueredo, in which she felt constantly treated as "the problem," had told the companion she did not want to hear her opinion ("keep it to yourself"), and then admitted she had been a jerk to a companion who is "super sweet to me and super good to me, and I act like a child."

Jason said that when you spend so much time so close to another person it is easy to start getting that way, and asked what she had learned. Kaitlynn answered that she needs to grow up and be more mature, that she cannot control the companion and her opinions but can control how she reacts.

Kristi built on it: the difference between this and a lifelong difficult relationship is that the companionship is temporary. She framed it as a short experiment or class where Kaitlynn gets to practice what she is learning each day, keep trying to get it right, get all the benefits, and then be done. She and Jason both told Kaitlynn that everything she develops now will help her do better in her marriage and other relationships.

See the fuller working-out of the same companion relationship in the July 13 evening call: 2026-07-13_love-a-difficult-companion-through-charity and 2026-07-13_perfect-love-casts-out-fear.

Be present at the end; let hard feelings teach you to help others

Prompted by Kaitlynn, with 70 days left, saying plainly that some days she was "so done being a missionary," homesick for the heat and for home, and reflecting that a few days earlier she could not understand how anyone could ever be "trunky" and now here she was.

Kristi counseled her to be really present, take advantage of the opportunities and blessings where she is, and not wish to be home, warning that the end would keep getting harder.

Jason added that the Lord sometimes lets us go through certain things so we can better understand and help others who feel the same way. He told her to capture those feelings, learn from them, and push through, so that later she can sympathize with sisters who struggle with wanting to be home and be able to encourage them where they are.

Part of the same day's arc as the companion-and-charity counsel in the evening call: 2026-07-13_love-a-difficult-companion-through-charity.

Loving a difficult companion through charity and service

The centerpiece of the July 13 evening call. Kaitlynn reported that Hermana Figueredo had told her, in a serious conversation, that she was not trying to love her for who she is, and that she had heard about the wonderful "Hermana Heywood" but did not see her. Kaitlynn named that she is terrified of the companion's directness, shuts down like a "snarky teenager," and just does not like her, though she had been trying for weeks to change her thoughts without it working. (Jason had set this up that morning by challenging her to study charity: 2026-07-13_transcript_kaitlynn-morning-call.)

Jason and Kristi counseled her toward concrete acts of love rather than a change of feeling first:

• Serve her secretly. Jason: quietly do something the companion would normally do, without her needing to know, as an exercise; serving that way makes you feel closer. Kristi: make her breakfast every day, since the companion loves breakfast, without expecting anything.
• Let her share and lead. When the companion offers to share (usually food), stop telling her no; refusing denies her the blessing of sharing. Eat less so there is room to accept. Let her have these last four weeks doing the work her own way, since her way is different, not wrong (Kristi's two-mission-presidents point).
• Write a daily sincere compliment to the companion, something genuinely good Kaitlynn sees in her.
• Change thoughts, then actions, while realizing you are as imperfect as anyone else; pray to see her as the Lord sees her.
• Be vulnerable, not defensive. Jason modeled a sincere approach: "I realize I probably haven't been the easiest person to live with, and I really want to be better. What can I do?" When people know they are loved, it bridges the surface-level gaps.

Jason anchored it on charity, reciting Moroni 7:45-48: charity suffereth long and is kind, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, beareth and endureth all things, and "is the pure love of Christ." Kaitlynn said, "Those are all the things I need." He tied it to praying to the Father "with all the energy of your heart" to be filled with his love, then working as though everything depends on both God and yourself, and reminded her that the person who is changing through all of this is Kaitlynn, not the companion.

The plan for that night was for Kaitlynn to pray, then go apologize to her companion and express the sincere things she loves about her.

Extends the responding-not-reacting arc: 2025-11-06_responding-to-criticism-not-reacting, 2026-04-13_not-discouraged-by-difficult-leader. Companion background: the July 6 call, 2026-07-06_control-your-reaction-not-the-other-person.

Perfect love casts out fear; vulnerability over pride

The second thread of the July 13 evening call, once the practical steps for loving Hermana Figueredo were laid out. Kristi named what she was hearing: Kaitlynn is afraid to do the things that fall hard to her (getting to know the companion's family, talking to Latino families) and is letting that fear keep her from what she needs to do, which risks making the end of her mission much less than it could be.

Jason walked Kaitlynn down to the root through a series of "why" questions. She said she is scared of the companion's directness because it feels like there is no love; that the directness scares her because of her pride; that she does not want to be wrong because being wrong hurts her pride and makes her feel she has less worth. Kristi asked whether her worth is really based on being right all the time, and Kaitlynn said no.

The counsel:

• Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Jason shared that in the bishopric he was afraid to talk to someone until he looked at that person with love, at which point the anxiety left because he was no longer thinking about himself. He cited 1 John 4:19, "we love him because he loved us first," and said the Father's and the Savior's love is unconditional: they love us because we are us.
• Vulnerability makes you more, not less. The best way to move someone from defensiveness is to be vulnerable and admit you are trying and want to be better. Kristi: it does not make you less to follow the companion and let her lead, citing the MTC devotional point that Jesus was both the greatest leader and the greatest follower.
• Work through emotions on your own. Do an emotional inventory (what am I feeling, why), drill down past anger and frustration (second emotions, not first), and give it to Heavenly Father a step at a time. Kristi: journal your emotions, and pray in the shower, the car, on your knees, whenever there is a moment. Jason: you can only change yourself; happiness comes from being true to what you know is true, and pride blocks the Spirit.
• Pray to see God's love for her. Not that you could love more, but that you could see how God loves the companion and recognize it; pray for her by name and ask to see her as God sees her. A hard time is itself a blessing, because Heavenly Father lets us go through hard things while he is with us so we grow.

Paired with the same call's charity counsel: 2026-07-13_love-a-difficult-companion-through-charity.

Even when you are right, being right is not worth the price of how you treat others

In his July 17 email, Jason gave Kaitlynn two linked pieces of counsel as she works through the strain with Hermana Figueredo.

First, framed around the Susanna Stone Lloyd handcart story (from Mary Ellen W. Smoot's talk "Developing Inner Strength"): trials are how Heavenly Father refines us, and while we are in them he sends help. "If you have pride, put it on the altar to sacrifice. Don't waste this tremendous opportunity to bless your current companion and your future family."

Second, a candid confession as the concrete example: the night before, Jason had lost his temper with Kristi over Alexa. He apologized to Alexa that night, but his pride ("so much righteous indignation") kept him from apologizing to Kristi until the next morning. His lesson, directed to Kaitlynn: even when you feel right about something, "the price is too high and the reward is simply not worth the price." Letting an argument fester to protect being right hands tools to the adversary and sacrifices your self-respect on the altar of pride.

Ties directly to the pride-and-worth root Jason drilled to on the July 13 evening call and the July 20 counsel that a companion's feelings are not your responsibility (2026-07-20_her-feelings-are-not-your-responsibility). See the theme Loving a Difficult Companion.

God's plan is not a vending machine; obedience does not yield outcomes on a fixed schedule

In his July 19 "Sunday" email (the night before the July 20 calls), Jason shared counsel from D. Todd Christofferson's talk "Our Relationship with God": some misunderstand God's promises to mean obedience yields specific outcomes on a fixed schedule (serve a mission and get a happy marriage; keep the Sabbath and get good grades; pay tithing and get the job), and feel betrayed when life does not fall out that way. But "we ought not to think of God's plan as a cosmic vending machine."

Jason applied it to himself and to her: he has felt that way many times, but he would rather live a life of difficulty showing the Lord he loves and trusts him than a life of ease doing what he thinks best and facing the Lord's disappointment later. Our obedience, service, and sacrifice matter not because of a tally in "celestial account books," but because they engage us in God's work and are how we collaborate with him in our own transformation from natural man to saint.

The email also carried extended gratitude ("Thank you for going on a mission"), naming the specific hardships Kaitlynn has carried (self-doubt, looking past companions' weaknesses, dog bites, "poo legs," "maggot shoes," social challenges).

A companion's feelings are not your responsibility, and your worth is not tied to them

On the July 20 evening call, after Kaitlynn had given Hermana Figueredo feedback she asked for and Figueredo cried, Jason and Kristi counseled her that her companion's happiness, sadness, and feelings are not her responsibility, and that her own worth does not change based on her companion's emotions. If the companion is not seeing the things Kaitlynn does for her, that is not a Kaitlynn problem.

• It is not your job to make someone else's mission end a certain way. The companion has to humble herself just as Kaitlynn does. In any relationship both people strive to give 100 percent, even though sometimes one or the other falls short.
• Act in a way you feel good about. Kristi: even if the companion never acknowledges or appreciates what Kaitlynn does, her job is not to make the companion's mission good, but to act in a way she feels good about herself.
• This does not mean stop looking for ways to improve; it means stop tying your worth and peace to another person's reaction.

Jason paired it with his own practice of swallowing pride and apologizing to Kristi when he messes up: saying sorry does not lessen him, it lets him go to Heavenly Father with a clear conscience.

Continues the companion-strain arc with Hermana Figueredo: 2026-07-06_control-your-reaction-not-the-other-person, 2026-07-13_love-a-difficult-companion-through-charity, 2026-07-13_perfect-love-casts-out-fear. See the theme Loving a Difficult Companion.

Stop being quick with your opinion and let the senior companion lead

On the July 20 evening call (and earlier that day on the Coyhaique travel call), Kaitlynn described the pattern with Hermana Figueredo: she offers an opinion, it gets shut down, and then when she asks "how would you like to do it?" the companion says "I don't know, how do you want to do it?" Kaitlynn admitted the situations were not ones that actually needed her opinion.

Kristi's counsel: stop being quick to offer an opinion in the first place, and instead ask the companion first, "How are we going to do this? What are you thinking?", and let her lead these last two weeks, because what Kaitlynn is currently doing is not working. Jason framed the companion as effectively the senior companion (older and finishing), so Kaitlynn's role is to offer ideas only if asked and otherwise let her lead.

Jason added how to do it well:

• Be enthusiastic, not begrudging. When she leads, go with it with a smile in your heart; if you both "go over a cliff," go over with a smile, because the worst that happens is it blows up and it will be fine.
• Humble yourself in the questions you ask. If you do, you might learn something you were not expecting; if you do not, you will not learn anything.
• Kristi's frame: "the companion roller coaster of fun," and "you can do anything for two weeks."

Distinct from 2026-07-06_control-your-reaction-not-the-other-person (which is about controlling your own reaction): this is specifically about deferring to the person leading and not counseling where counsel was not invited. See the theme Loving a Difficult Companion.

Worth is fixed and is not increased by performance or reduced by going unrecognized

In his July 22 "Guess what" email, sent two days after Kaitlynn's own weekly email on "you are enough," Jason made one sustained argument: nothing she does or fails to do changes her worth, and neither does whether anyone notices.

He quoted Romans 8:38-39 and inserted his own clause into verse 39, so that the list of things that cannot separate us from the love of God reads "nor being seen or unseen by those we serve, nor being appreciated or unappreciate by the same." Being recognized is nice, he wrote, but it does not change her worth or her divine identity. She has nothing to prove to anyone around her. Her worth is not dependent on "a good idea, an angry word that slips out, or being able to drive a mission car."

He then cited 3 Nephi 13:3-4 on giving alms in secret, and applied it to quiet service, taking correction, and choosing to be positive when there are more reasons not to be. God sees that. But he drew the distinction explicitly so she would not misread him: what she does still does not affect her worth. The real challenge, he said, is learning to navigate her sense of worth, inner peace, and happiness when recognition does not come, because doing what is right matters more than being thanked for it.

He closed on grit. Decide now to have a good day. Separate worth from actions, words, and feelings. There is nothing she can do to increase her worth to God, who already proved it by sending his Son. Grit your teeth and love and be happy "just out of spite of your own feelings otherwise."

The email also carried an unattributed quotation on the same theme, beginning "Before I had the gospel in my life, I was always trying to prove to others that I was someone special," and ending "Don't ever think that you are nothing." Its source is not identified in Jason's original.