Hermana Heywood

Kaitlynn in the Chile Puerto Montt Mission

Evening Call with You (Coyhaique), July 20, 2026

July 20, 2026 · Coyhaique

Mom and I talked with you for about thirty minutes tonight, after you texted us that you had given Hermana Figueredo feedback she asked for and she had ended up crying (that chat is filed as 2026-07-20_sms_kaitlynn-companion-cried). You had to talk quietly because she was downstairs. This was our third call of the day, and the most serious. I opened by telling you it sounds like you have a choice right now on who you want to be.

What happened

You said Figueredo had asked what you did after she noticed you were frustrated, and you told her kindly, using I-statements, but it may have been a miscommunication because your Spanish did not land the way you meant. I asked whether the crying was hurt feelings or something else; you said it was a mix, and that you were just the last straw at the end of a long day for her.

Her feelings are not your responsibility

Mom asked whether you had shown an increase of love given her hard day. You said you did not know, but that morning you had made her breakfast with a little "Happy 18 months" sign, and you listed the ways you serve her: the window seat, the seat by the heater, letting her talk in lessons, letting her pick the scriptures, and staying out of her boyfriend situation because she does not trust you with it.

I told you a couple of things I want you to keep. Her happiness and her feelings are not your responsibility, and your worth does not change based on her emotions. If she is not seeing the things you do, that is not a you problem. It is not your job to make sure she ends her mission a certain way; she has to humble herself just as you do, and in any relationship you both strive to give 100 percent even when one of you falls short. Mom said the same thing: even if she never acknowledges what you do, your job is not to make her mission good, it is to act in a way you feel good about.

Swallowing pride

I told you that I am far from perfect and always have to go apologize to Mom when I mess up, which is no fun and is hard because sometimes I do not want to say sorry even when I know I need to. But saying sorry does not lessen me; it lets me go to Heavenly Father with a clear conscience. If there are things between you and your best, swallow your pride and admit them, and you will feel better afterward, even if it has to happen more than once.

Let her lead

You pressed the real problem: when you offer your opinion it gets shut down, and then when you say "how would you like to do it?" she says "I don't know, how do you want to do it?" Mom asked whether she had even asked for your opinion, and you admitted it was not a situation that needed it. I framed her as the senior companion since she is older and finishing, so your role is to offer ideas only if asked and otherwise let her lead. Mom's suggestion was to stop being quick with your opinion and instead ask her first, "How are we going to do this? What are you thinking?", and let her lead these last two weeks, because what you are doing now is not working. You said you would try it.

I told you that when she leads, be enthusiastic; if you both go over a cliff, go over with a smile, because the worst that happens is everything blows up and it will be fine. Do it her way with a smile in your heart, not begrudgingly, and decide to enjoy the ride. Mom called it "the companion roller coaster of fun." I added that if you humble yourself in the questions you ask, you might learn something you were not expecting, but if you do not humble yourself you will not learn anything.

Her honest feedback, and feeling heavy

You told us she had said that with everybody else you can be happy, but with her you cannot, and that it is 100 percent true. Mom said she is glad Figueredo was brave enough to tell you. You said around her you just do not feel comfortable, that you have been better these last couple of weeks at being the Kaitlynn everyone knows, but you feel so heavy and do not know how to get out of it. I told you I did not know the answer. You said that is okay, because God knows, and you just need to keep walking.

Promptings and not giving in to the negative voice

Mom asked what promptings you have been getting and whether you have been acting on them; you said you need to be persistent. I told you not to give in to the voice in your head giving you negative thoughts, because that is not from the Spirit, and to get a boost from music or something that gives you a little lift. You said you had been eating (and joked it was not the best choice). I suggested something like Joseph, and you said you feel guilty listening to those songs even though it is literally a Bible story, so you have instead been listening to the Lower Lights and Paul Cardall, and that personal study and the Book of Mormon always help.

Close

Mom told you to do what you need to do so you can feel good and move forward, because as long as you fight what you know you should do, you will not be happy. You said, "wickedness never was happiness." Mom said we love you, are proud of you, are praying for you, and have full confidence in you. I told you that you are doing great. We said goodnight, and you said your companion needed you.

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